April 2011
31 posts
4 tags
Apr 30th
3 tags
Man, I found a keeper. My girlfriend just said that the hymn being played at the royal wedding reminded her of Blues Brothers.
Apr 30th
2 tags
If I were planning the royal wedding, the guest list would be: if you’re knighted, you’re invited.
Apr 29th
3 tags
Apr 29th
2 tags
Oh… oh, you meant I should play the DVR on your new TV. I was wondering why you wanted me to dance on top of your TV. Sorry about the footprints.
Apr 28th
1 note
4 tags
Time is money. Time is short. All short people must be RICH.
Apr 26th
3 tags
Apr 24th
10 notes
5 tags
Apr 21st
4 notes
2 tags
Apr 20th
5 tags
I responded to the cashier at my local grocery store with “the voice” (Seinfeld) today. She caught me off guard when she asked if I had the store’s discount card, so ended up giving her a blank stare and going “yeeeEEEEeeeesss.”
Apr 20th
2 tags
Apr 19th
5 tags
Apr 19th
4 tags
Pizzas from Menard’s. For people who know how to build, but not how to live. Or perhaps for tools.
Apr 16th
6 notes
3 tags
Apr 16th
3 tags
Apr 14th
5 notes
4 tags
Apr 13th
8 tags
Apr 10th
1 note
4 tags
Is it so much to ask to go to the Disney store and expect to see a reproduction of the carpet from Aladdin?
Apr 10th
2 notes
6 tags
Apr 8th
4 notes
4 tags
“…Place curly fries on a single layer when cooking…” - Cooking directions, curly fries Silly bag. No one can put curly fries on a single layer.
Apr 7th
6 tags
http://www.9news.com/dontmiss/191574/630/Police-use... →
I believe “I think it’s not ever going to go away… It’s just who I am” is not a good defense for being an 8-year-old who sounds like he will eventually attempt homicide. Frankly, by the sound of it… I’d want pepper spray if I was anywhere NEAR this kid. Sadly, this means my “how many eight-year-olds would it take to bring you down” rating has...
Apr 6th
4 tags
Apr 5th
6,161 notes
2 tags
thoughtprovokinginanity asked: Is it possible to ask yourself a question?
Apr 4th
2 notes
7 tags
My girlfriend has found something recently called “TRU LIME” or some such thing. At first, I thought it was like a SweetNLow equivalent of lime. This, of course, freaked me the hell out. It’s like lime flavored cancer. Good choice. But it’s apparently just crystallized lime. I am now confused, but mostly because my girlfriend just stirs it into water. Not other things....
Apr 4th
1 note
9 tags
I think there’s something wrong with me. No, I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me. The more I use Wii Fit, the more I think that the little animated board is being passive-aggressive about my health. It always asks if I want to hear a health tip. I understand that it’s part of the programming of the game, but if every time I say “yes,” I get the...
Apr 4th
1 note
8 tags
Apr 3rd
515 notes
2 tags
I wonder if the people at This Old House do/would like The Sims.
Apr 3rd
1 note
6 tags
Apr 2nd
4 tags
Cacti should NOT be this difficult. GROW, CURSE YOU.
Apr 2nd
1 note
4 tags
I just watched Gmail’s April Fool’s joke and the SECOND I finished, the news on the TV behind me had a report on it. Broadcast TV is apparently mere seconds behind the internet. Fascinating.
Apr 1st
1 note
4 tags
I think my superpower is getting songs stuck in people’s heads. It’s a blessing and a curse, really. … “…Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin…”
Apr 1st
4 notes